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Vino for Fusao and Sasha A as Tommy ‘Le Pocket Rocket’ endures in the Jura July 12, 2012

Posted by John Frederick Ashburne in Tour de France 2012.
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1. FRA VOECKLER Thomas 21 TEAM EUROPCAR 04h 46′ 26”
2. ITA SCARPONI Michele 41 LAMPRE – ISD 04h 46′ 29” + 00′ 03”
3. GER VOIGT Jens 18 RADIOSHACK-NISSAN 04h 46′ 33” + 00′ 07”
4. ESP SANCHEZ Luis-Leon 155 RABOBANK CYCLING TEAM 04h 46′ 49” + 00′ 23”
5. BEL DEVENYNS Dries 194 OMEGA PHARMA-QUICK STEP 04h 46′ 56” + 00′ 30”
6. FRA CASAR Sandy 141 FDJ-BIGMAT 04h 49′ 10” + 02′ 44”
7. ESP MARTINEZ Egoi 35 EUSKALTEL – EUSKADI 04h 49′ 10” + 02′ 44”
8. FRA ROLLAND Pierre 29 TEAM EUROPCAR 04h 49′ 10” + 02′ 44”
9. BEL VAN DEN BROECK Jurgen 111 LOTTO-BELISOL TEAM 04h 49′ 10” + 02′ 44”
10. KAZ FOFONOV Dmitriy 183 ASTANA PRO TEAM 04h 49′ 18” + 02′ 52”
11. FRA PINOT Thibaut 146 FDJ-BIGMAT 04h 49′ 42” + 03′ 16”
12. AUS EVANS Cadel 1 BMC RACING TEAM 04h 49′ 42” + 03′ 16”
13. GBR WIGGINS Bradley 101 SKY PROCYCLING 04h 49′ 42” + 03′ 16”
14. IRL ROCHE Nicolas 79 AG2R LA MONDIALE 04h 49′ 42” + 03′ 16”
15. ITA NIBALI Vincenzo 51 LIQUIGAS-CANNONDALE 04h 49′ 42” + 03′ 16”
89. USA VANDE VELDE Christian   68  GARMIN-SHARP 05h 05′ 31” + 19′ 05”

Yesterday’s stage had Atomic yelling at his TV in excitement, scaring the cats and annoying/mystifying the sleeping octogenarian neighbours, exhorting first the Mighty Jens and then wee Tommy Voeckler to victory on the road to Wotsit-sur-Vaseline. It was the French puncheur, and crowd favourite, Tommy V who prevailed, bagging a bottle of Chateau des Orangutans-sans-Gout for Fusao in the process. The Europcar team leader was clearly running on empty as he heaved, groaned and gurned his way to the finish line, just scraping it ahead of Michele Scarponi, Jens Voigt and the charging Luis Leon Sanchez. Voeckler’s exertions mean he wrested the polka-dot jersey from Astana’s Fredrik Kessiakoff (who wholly unconvincingly claims to be Swedish, btw).

He looks like a Kazakh to me, wot with them girls

There was much to admire on the road yesterday. Nibali’s attacks on the downhill; Wiggins’ tactically astute decision not to chase him down (He nearly went after the Italian, but then changed his mind – I suspect he had Sean Yates yelling in his ear to prevent him rising to the bait; Tejay van Garderen’s heroic battle to get back onto the peleton after blowing up (literally? – Ed) on the final climb. Not only did the American rider manage to haul himself back from the abyss, he also thus managed to hold on to the White Jersey for best young rider. It was also fantastic to see the oldest man in the race, Jens “Shut up legs!” Voigt attacking for the second day in a row. How cool is that man? Chapeau, Jens!

There was also much not to admire, namely the shameless cowardly wheelsucking display by that dastardly Belgian, the less-than-divine Driess Devenyns, who resolutely sat on the back of the breakaway, refusing point blank to take a pull at the front. No-one likes a wheelsucker, and in particular Tommy Voeckler, a rider who never shies away from putting in the hard graft, was not amused. Race cameras rather amusingly captured Monsieur T letting the Quick Step rider know what he thought of him, his sister, his mother and the family collection of priceless Belgian embroidery with some fine Gallic invective and not a little arm-waving. All the more impressive for being conducted at 60kph.

Belgian wheelsucking scumbag, and son of a Motherless Goat, Driess Devenyns (center)

Sasha A becomes the recipient of the inaugural Prix H-89, as Christian Vande Velde of the cursed Team Garmin rolled in half way through the peloton at the half-way stage of the race. I am happy to report that with four prizes now awarded in Le Tour de Plonk sweepstakes, four different punters are receipients. May every plonkeur win! Bradley Wiggins retains the maillot jaune, as all went to plan once again for the impressive Team Sky. How different they are to the over-confident TdF ingenues of a few years ago. Talking of brash youth, 22-year old Peter Sagan, in his maiden tour, is still holding on to the Green Jersey, while keeping the peloton and public entertained by doing wheelies in the neutral zone (except for unimpressed old misery-guts Stuart O’Grady, that is. I quote: ‘Mutter grumble no respect mutter grumble insert Aussie-twang rude words mumble moan, etc’). He also has this rather spiffy bell mounted on his handlebars, presumably so he can ping ping Stuart O’Grady, Andrei Greipel and Mark Cavendish as he hurtles past them at zillions of kph.

Moaning too are Cadel ‘Its not fair, the course suits Sky, sob’  Evans and, best of all, Vincenzo ‘the Sicilian’ Nibali: “Yes, Sky are going really well,” he said. “But on the finish-line, Bradley turned around and looked at me as if to say, ‘See that?’ If he wants to be a champion I think he needs to show his rivals a bit of respect. It’s just his way. In this sport we don’t have people punching and kicking each other like in football. But turning and looking at someone like that, it’s not very nice. They’re going well at the moment, but the wheel of fortune can turn.” You should hit him with yer handbag, Vincenzo.

Lots of alps tomorrow. Yeehaar!

This from Le Grauniad:

Bradley Wiggins will have enjoyed his ride through Artemare. The residents of that pretty village in the department of the Ain decided to celebrate their inclusion in the route of Wednesday’s 10th stage of the 2012 Tour de France by covering their streets and squares with yellow balloons in a salute to the leader’s jersey, which Wiggins was in the process of defending with impressive authority.

The first serious attempts to separate him from the maillot jaune were expected during a stage that started in Mâcon, on the banks of the Saone, and finished in the small town of Bellegarde-sur-Valserine, in the foothills of the Jura. They came on schedule but neither Cadel Evans, lying second in the overall classification, nor Vincenzo Nibali, sitting in fourth place behind Chris Froome, Wiggins’s Sky team-mate, could put a dent in the margins by which they trail the Englishman after a stage won in heroic style by Thomas Voeckler, the 32-year-old French rider who occupies a special place in the hearts of his fellow countrymen.

Four weeks ago, when Voeckler abandoned the Route du Sud with a persistent ache in his right knee that was provoking collateral strains, it looked as though he would be unable to perform his role as France’s current two-wheeled hero, established by 10 days in the yellow jersey in 2004 and 10 more last year. Voeckler’s knee became the French equivalent of Wayne Rooney’s metatarsal.

He made it to the start in Liège, however, and after an indifferent opening week he burst into life on Wednesday, joining the initial 25-strong break on the 194.5km stage and forcing the selection of the final quintet, completed by Luis León Sánchez of Spain, Dries Devenyns of Belgium, Michele Scarponi of Italy and Jens Voigt, the 40-year-old German rider. Voeckler led over the hors-categorie 1,501m Col du Grand Colombier and the third-category 1,051m Col de Richemond, taking the king of the mountains jersey away from Fredrik Kessiakoff of Sweden as he did so.

His tongue was lolling, his chin was jutting, and all France was roaring him on as the group swept through the sinuous bends of the descent from the Richemond towards the showdown over an uphill drag to the finish. Voigt and Devenyns attacked in the outskirts of Bellegarde, and the Belgian was ahead as they passed a large blue factory whose vast chimney had been repainted with the red and white polka dots of the mountains jersey. But Voeckler churned up the hill and ground his opponents to dust, blowing a dainty kiss to his ecstatic public as he crossed the line.

Thomas Voeckler

Wiggins finished 13th in the stage, just over three minutes behind Voeckler and tight on the wheel of Evans, who had made belated and unavailing attempts to burst clear in the final kilometre as he tried to reduce the gap of 1min 53sec separating him from the leader. The real action, however, had come on the downslope of the Grand Colombier, where Nibali showed his hand.

There has been a theory that the principal danger to Wiggins will come not on the climbs, where he and his team demonstrated their strength at the weekend, but on the descents, at which Nibali and Evans are allegedly more adept.

“I think there’s a bit of a misunderstanding about that,” Dave Brailsford, Sky’s team principal, said on the eve of the stage. “Bradley’s one of the best Madison riders in the world, and if you want to ride the Madison you’ve got to be skilful. But he doesn’t take risks. People mistake that for being a poor descender. He’s not.”

On Wednesday, however, Nibali took the opportunity to test the notion, plunging down the steep ramps and swooping around the hairpin bends of a poorly surfaced descent from the Grand Colombier. In no time he had opened a gap of 50 seconds over the large group including the yellow jersey and his outriders. Their effort had encountered a small hiccup when Evans ran wide on the first bend of the descent and forced his compatriot Michael Rogers offline, resulting in a puncture for Wiggins’ powerful Australian team-mate.

Ritchie Porte, another of Sky’s Aussies, and Froome took over the duty of chasing Nibali, who was assisted for a while by Peter Sagan, his Liquigas colleague. But as the descent bottomed out in the village of Lochieu they were hauled back and, shortly after Sagan had fallen back in exhaustion, the Italian was caught.

“It all went to the script today,” Wiggins said. “We were waiting for it to come, and it worked out.”

Bonjour mes amis! I am un peu en retard, but it is better than being un Retard, non? July 7, 2012

Posted by John Frederick Ashburne in Tour de France 2012.
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Sorry it has taken so long, but that awful thing known as La Vie Hebdomadaire has been getting in the way of my TdF-ing. Well, bougre that, and off we go. I was a tad concerned if we could get enough punters together this year, at such short notice, and in the wake of Euro 2012 footie sweepstakes fatigue. I need not have fretted. My half of the trans-global sweepie sold out in about, er, 4 minutes. Glad to know there are so many amis sypatiques out there. Joe B is gathering the bretheren in England as I type, and we can expect to kick off with our small bagatelle on the morrow.

This is how I have constructed the sweepstakes this time around.

Every punter gets a star; a dark horse; two trusted lieutenants; and five or so warriors-in-the-saddle. I have created a system (see above pic) that uses random numeric sequence generating software to try and ensure that every punter has an equal shot at winning a bottle of cheap rotgut. FYI, I used a more primitive system for the recent Euro football and… it failed dismally. I was stuffed thanks to two favourites exiting early (France and Holland). Which simply serves to remind that it is all a bit of a bleedin’ lottery, innit mate?

There will be no cash prizes this time, just wine. Lots of it, and of a quality hitherto unimagined. Say no more. I need to consult with my Man Overseas, monsieur Banerjee, on how precisely we are going to rig, er, I mean construct the prize formats but I am thinking of trying to be even more egalitarian/Maoist than usual. That means no Cavendish-style sprinter green jersey concentration of winnings this year. I wish to award domestiques, and super-domestiques this time. I am even so passionate/biased as to have considered awarding a bottle of Cotes du Stiquey-riche Luberon ’55 to the oldest rider to complete the course. (Hint: he’s likely to be German. Terrifying. God-like. The road is scared of him). Any creative prize category suggestions highly welcomed.

Anyway. Here are the randomly generated Punter allotments. Later today you’ll know who got whom.

Just fyi, the huge crash on Stage 6 played havoc with the GC standings, and my seedings, so I rejigged them this morning to be as fair as possible.

Punter A

● John A

Your Star Rider:

● Philippe Gilbert (BMC) S40

Your Dark Horse:

● David Moncoutie (COF) S63 FRA

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Richie Porte (Sky) S196

● Pierrick Federigo (FDJ) S77 FRA

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Rafael Valls (Vacansoleil) S99

● Stuart O’Grady (ORI-GRE) S128

● Mikael Cherel (AG2R) S141 FRA

● Yuriy Krivtsov (Lampre) S169

Your Favoured Team:

● FDJ BigMat

Punter B

● Mike D

Your Star Rider:

● Andre Greipel (Lotto) S6

Your Dark Horse:

● Robert Gesink (RABO) S28

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Johnny Hoogerland (Vacansoleil) S68

● Kevin de Weert (Omega) S83

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Marcus Burghardt (BMC) S113

● Yann Huguet (Argos) S115 FRA

● Nicolas Edet (COF) S151 FRA

● Marco Marzano (Lampre) S170

● Pieter Weening (ORI-GRE) S195

Your Favoured Team:

● Saur Sojasun

—————————————————————————-

Punter C

● Cathy

Your Star Rider:

● Alessandro Petacchi (Lampre) S18

Your Dark Horse:

● Tejay van Garderen (BMC) S31

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Yaroslav Popovych (RNT) S67

● Matthew Lloyd (Lampre) S81

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Jimmy Engoulvent (Saur) S101 FRA

● Dries Devenyns (Omega) S133

● Roy Curvers (Argos) S158

● Vladimir Gusev (KAT) S166

● Rob Ruigh (Vacansoleil) S193

Your Favoured Team:

● Garmin-Barracuda

—————————————————————————-

Punter D

● Riki’s Tim

Your Star Rider:

● Jurgen Van den Broeck (Lotto) S12

Your Dark Horse:

● Rui Costa (Movistar) S32

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Thibaut Pinot (FDJ) S60 FRA

● Remy di Gregorio (COF) S73 FRA

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Jurgen Roelands (Lotto) S109

● Anders Lund (SAXO) S130

● Jan Ghyselinck (COF) S153

● Francis de Greef (Lotto) S177

● Daryl Impey (ORI-GRE) S185

Your Favoured Team:

● Europcar

—————————————————————————-

Punter E

● Colin D

Your Star Rider:

● Denis Menchov (KAT) S4

Your Dark Horse:

● Steven Krujswijk (RABO) S37

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Kenny van Hummel (Vacansoleil) S47

● Romain Zingle (COF) S74

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Maxim Iglinskiy (Astana) S93

● Maxime Bouet (AG2R) S116 FRA

● Patrick Gretsch (ARGO) S156

● Jelle Vanendert (Lotto) S181

Your Favoured Team:

● Lampre

—————————————————————————-

Punter F

● Joe B

Your Star Rider:

● Edvald Boasson Hagen (SKY) S9

Your Dark Horse:

● Jerome Pineau (Omega) S56 FRA

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● David Millar (GAR) S78

● Anthony Roux (FDJ) S95 FRA

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Andriy Grivko (Astana) S124

● Fredrik Kessiakov (Astana) S160

● Yohann Gene (Europcar) S163 FRA

● Ruben Plaza (Movistar) S182

Your Favoured Team:

● Katusha

—————————————————————————-

Punter G

● Topher W

Your Star Rider:

● Cadel Evans (BMC) S2

Your Dark Horse:

● Nicolas Roche (AG2R) S48

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Bert Grabsch (Omega) S88

● Christian Knees (SKY) S103

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Christian Knees (SKY) S103

● Yauheni Hutarovich (FDJ) S120

● Jorge Soto Azanza (EUSK) S149

● Giovanni Bernaudeau (Europcar) S162 FRA

Your Favoured Team:

● Saxo Bank

—————————————————————————-

Punter H

● Wil F

Your Star Rider:

● Bradley Wiggins (SKY) S1

Your Dark Horse:

● Levi Leipheimer (Omega) S36

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Christophe Kern (Europcar) S51

● Brett Lancaster (ORI-GRE) S85

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Baden Cooke (ORI-GRE) S106

● Arthur Vichot (FDJ) S121 FRA

● Biel Kadri (AG2R) S143 FRA

● Kristijan Koren (Liquigas) S173

Your Favoured Team:

● Argos-Shimano

—————————————————————————-

Punter I

● Gail

Your Star Rider:

● Samuel Sanchez (EUSK) S14

Your Dark Horse:

● Chris Horner (RNT) S35

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Samuel Dumoulin (COF) S61 FRA

● David Zabriskie (GAR) S79

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Luis Leon Sanchez (RABO) S105

● Matthieu Ladagnou (FDJ) S150 FRA

● Aliaksandr Kuchynski (KAT) S168

●Laurens ten Dam (RABO) S186

Your Favoured Team:

● Omega Pharma Quick Step

—————————————————————————-

Punter J

● Sasha A

Your Star Rider:

● Tyler Farrar (GAR) S16

Your Dark Horse:

● Christian Vande Velde (GAR) S41

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Jerome Coppell (Saur) S46 FRA

● Sergio Paulinho (SAXO) S91

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Jens Voigt (RNT) S104

● Pablo Perez Urtasun (EUSK) S127

● Gorka Izagirre (EUSK) S148

● Adam Hansen (Lotto) S179

● Guillaume Levarlet (Saur) S189 FRA

Your Favoured Team:

● BMC Racing

—————————————————————————-

Punter K

● DJ

Your Star Rider:

● Jani Brajkovic (Astana) S21

Your Dark Horse:

● Mark Renshaw (RABO) S23

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

●Michael Rogers (SKY) S55

● Lars Bak (Lotto) S64

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Dimitry Fofonov (Astana) S71

● Ruben Perez (EUSK) S76

● Bram Tankink (RABO) S110

● Cyril Gautier (Europcar) S125 FRA

● Marco Marcato (Vacansoleil) S139

Your Favoured Team:

● RadioShack Nissan Trek

—————————————————————————-

Punter L

● Tomas S

Your Star Rider:

● Chris Froome (SKY) S17

Your Dark Horse:

● Peter Vellits (Omega) S26

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Tom Veelers (ARGOS) S49

● Vladimir Karpets (Movistar) S87

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Yukiya Arashiro (Europcar) S118

● Jean-Christophe Peraud (AG2R) S144 FRA

● Robert Kiserlovski (Astana) S161

● Juan Jose Haedo (SAXO) S190

Your Favoured Team:

● Astana

—————————————————————————-

Punter M

● Sanborn B

Your Star Rider:

● Andreas Kloden (RNT) S30

Your Dark Horse:

● Rein Taaramae (COF) S38

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Christophe Riblon (AG2R) S59 FRA

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Luca Paolini (KAT) S97

● Borut Bozic (Astana) S117

● Michael Schar (BMC) S147

● Giampaolo Caruso (KAT) S165

● Jean-Marc Marino (Saur) S187 FRA

Your Favoured Team:

● Vacansoleil-DCM

—————————————————————————-

Punter N

● Kevin R

Your Star Rider:

● Dan Martin (GAR) S20

Your Dark Horse:

● Steve Cummings (BMC) S43

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Egoi Martinez (EUSK) S58

● Juanjo Cobo (Movistar) S82

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Daniel Oss (Liquigas) S98

● Sebastian Langeveld (ORI-GRE) S137

● Sebastien Hinault (AG2R) S145

● Davide Malacarne (Europcar) S164 FRA

● Alessandro Vanotti (Liquigas) S174

Your Favoured Team:

● Rabobank

—————————————————————————-

Punter O

● Riki

Your Star Rider:

● Pierre Rolland (Europcar) S19 FRA

Your Dark Horse:

● Michele Scarponi (Lampre) S34

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Michael Albassini (ORI-GRE) S54

● Tony Gallopin (RNT) S69 FRA

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● George Hincapie (BMC) S114

● Bernhard Eisel (SKY) S131

● Koen de Kort (Argos) S157

● Joan Horrach (KAT) S167

● Jonathan Cantwell (SAXO) S191

Your Favoured Team:

● Movistar

—————————————————————————-

Punter P

● Fusao

Your Star Rider:

● Thomas Voeckler (Europcar) S15 FRA

Your Dark Horse:

● Frank Schleck (RNT) S25

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Grega Bole (Lampre) S53

● Gorka Verdugo (EUSK) S75

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Johan Vansummeren (GAR)S94

● Greg Henderson (Lotto) S134

● Gustav larsson (Vacansoleil) S140

● Julien Fouchard S152 (COF) FRA

● Simone Stortoni (Lampre) S171

Your Favoured Team:

● AG2R La Mondiale

—————————————————————————-

Punter Q

● John B

Your Star Rider:

● Fabian Cancellara (RNT)  S13

Your Dark Horse:

● Ivan Basso (Liquigas) S27

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Alexander Vinokourov (Astana) S50

● Sebastien Minard (AG2R) S70 FRA

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Simon Gerrans (ORI-GRE) S111

● Manuel Quinziato (BMC) S146

● Federico Canuti (Liquigas) S175

Your Favoured Team:

● Liquigas Cannondale

—————————————————————————-

Punter R

● Steve A

Your Star Rider:

● Peter Sagan (Liquigas) S22

Your Dark Horse:

● Tony Martin (Omega) S29

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Vincent Jerome (Europcar) S62 FRA

● Sylwester Szmyd (Liquigas) S80

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Haimar Zubeldia (RNT) S107

● Cyril Lemoine (Saur) S136 FRA

● Andrey Kashechkin (Astana) S159

Your Favoured Team:

● Team Sky

—————————————————————————-

Punter S

● Jack H

Your Star Rider:

● Alejandro Valverde (Movistar) S10

Your Dark Horse:

● Bauke Mollema S33

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Yuri Trofimov (KAT) S66

● Lieuwe Westra (Vacansoleil) S84

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Brice Feillu (Saur) S100 FRA

● Nick Nuyens (SAXO) S135

● Johannes Frohlinger (ARGOS) S155

● Eduard Vorganov (KAT) S178

● Kris Boeckmans (Vacansoleil) S194

Your Favoured Team:

● Euskaltel Euskadi

—————————————————————————-

Punter T

● Paris B

Your Star Rider:

● Mark Cavendish (SKY) S7

Your Dark Horse:

● Sylvain Chavanel (Omega) S44

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Jeremy Roy (FDJ) S52 FRA

● Karsten Kroon (SAXO) S90

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Matthieu Sprick (ARGOS) S92

● Cedric Pinneau (FDJ) S122 FRA

● Martin Velits (Omega) S138

● Dominik Nerz (Liquigas) S176

● Michael Morkov (SAXO) S192

Your Favoured Team:

● Cofidis le credit en ligne

—————————————————————————-

Punter U

● Aaron C

Your Star Rider:

● Matt Goss (ORI-GRE) S8

Your Dark Horse:

● Nicki Sorensen (SAXO) S45

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Danilo Hondo (Lampre) S65

● Maxime Monfort (RNT) S89

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Fabrice Jeandesboz (Saur) S129 FRA

● Marcel Sieberg (Lotto) S180

● Julien Simon (Saur) S188 FRA

Your Favoured Team:

● Lotto Belisol

—————————————————————————-

Punter V

● Paul W

Your Star Rider:

● Vincenzo Nibali (Liquigas) S3

Your Dark Horse:

● Sandy Casar (FDJ) S42 FRA

Your Trusty Lieutenants:

● Amael Moinard (BMC) S72 FRA

● Chris Anker Sorensen (SAXO) S108

Your Warriors in the Saddle:

● Albert Timmer (ARGOS) S123

● Luis Angel Mate (COF) S154

● Vasil Kiryienka (Movistar) S183

Your Favoured Team:

● Orica GreenEdge

—————————————————————————-